When the Part That Protects You Keeps You Small and what I've learned myself in the process of integration and giving it space.
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Dear Reader,
Last week, I was sitting at my desk in the early afternoon. A session had just ended, and I had this rare pocket of time - no calls, no obligations, just space.
I felt it immediately. That quiet pull toward something I have been postponing. A piece of writing that mattered. Something that wanted to move through me.
I reached for my notebook.
And then I watched it happen - this subtle shift. Barely noticeable.
“Maybe after a coffee. Maybe check Emails first. Give it some space. Go for a walk. Its not the right time to write... ”
I didn’t move. Didn’t pick up my phone. Just sat there, notebook open, pen in hand. And I noticed how the energy totally changed.
The aliveness I felt a moment ago - Gone.
The Momentum, finding words for something meaningful - disappeared.
It seems like it, there is no access to it anymore.
What remained was this strange heaviness. Inertia dressed up as wisdom.
That was my inner rebel.
Quiet. Undramatic. Skilled enough to drain the momentum before I even realized what was happening.
The Rebel and His Manipulator - An interesting Partnership
This voice isn’t new for me. It’s been around for years, sometimes quieter, sometimes louder. Every time I think I’ve seen through it, it finds a new veil.
The inner rebel resists what serves us. It comes from some deeply not integrated survival strategy - nothing nasty, just old and resistant.
The inner manipulator works more subtly. He delivers reasons, justifications, gentle diversions:
- “You’ve already done so much today.”
- “This can wait. There’s no rush.”
- “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Sounds caring, right?
Lets look closer. These words pull us away from what nourishes us and toward what numbs.
Why We Sabotage Ourselves
These mechanisms are protective strategies from the past. They usually come from moments when we, as kids, experienced demands that felt too big:
- Achievement that was never enough
- Expectations that seemed impossible
- Love that had conditions attached
So the rebel learns to say: “If I don’t do what’s expected, I can’t fail.”
And the manipulator whispers: “You don’t need to try so hard. Stay small. Stay safe.”
Here’s what makes this tricky: these voices can’t tell the difference between someone else’s pressure and our own loving guidance. They respond to any structure with resistance - even when that structure would actually help us.
Trauma researchers call this fragmentation. Parts of us working against each other instead of together. One part wanting to grow, another wanting to survive. Both are right. They’re just speaking different languages.
The Spiritual Layer: The Shadow Wants to Be Seen
I’ve come to see these inner parts differently. They’re not enemies. They’re split-off pieces of ourselves, waiting in the dark until we’re ready to look.
The inner rebel often carries:
- Pain from being suppressed
- Anger from not being seen
- Fear of being controlled again
The manipulator protects:
- This tender hope that things could be easy
- The longing for rest and non-doing
- Fear of failing again
Carl Jung, the Swiss psychologist talked about the Shadow - the parts we’ve pushed away. He said we only become whole when we integrate them back in.
The spiritual work here is to give them space. Slowly showing them: “I’m here now. You don’t have to fight alone anymore.”
What I’m learning is that integration means holding the tension. The part that wants to expand and the part that wants to contract. Neither has to win. Both need to be held.
The Practice: How Integration Can Happen
I wish I could tell you I’ve figured this out.
Truth is: this keeps coming back.
Sometimes I think I’m done with it - and then some random Tuesday, this part in me Is caught in the same pattern again. Postponing a conversation. Eating when I’m already full. Choosing distraction when I know I need depth.
What I’ve learned is this: it’s less about being perfect and more about staying present.
Here’s what actually helps me:
1. Name the Voice
When I catch myself procrastinating or sabotaging, I stop and ask:
“Who’s speaking right now? The rebel? The manipulator? Or something deeper?”
Just naming it - that alone shifts something by bringing awareness to the awareness.
2. Dialogue Instead of War
I used to fight these parts. Now I talk to them:
“I see you. I get that you’re trying to protect me. Thank you. And today, I’m choosing something else.”
This isn’t about affirmations. It’s real conversation with yourself.
3. Small Steps, Big Impact
I don’t force myself into big actions anymore. I pick the smallest possible step.
The full practice? Just sit down.
The entire conversation? Ask one question.
The whole project? Start for five minutes.
Everything feels to much? Skip something.
The rebel relaxes when he realizes: this isn’t force. This is a conscious invitation.
4. Body as Compass
So I ask: “How does this feel in my body?”
When I’m procrastinating - tightness, heaviness, restlessness.
When I’m following what feeds me - space, lightness, aliveness.
That’s the language underneath words.
5. Compassion for the Process
And when it doesn’t work? When I sabotage anyway?
I practice not beating myself up on top of it.
The rebel won this round. Okay. Tomorrow’s another day. These parts need time to learn that safety looks different now.
And here’s the thing: that part thinks it’s protecting us. But what it’s really doing is protecting us from a life we could already be living.
Day by day, choice by choice, we lose touch with our own aliveness.
An Invitation
If you’re reading this and something in you is nodding - you know what I’m talking about.
Maybe it’s not the writing for you. Maybe it’s a conversation you need to have. Work you keep putting off. A relationship you could go deeper in. Your body, waiting to be felt.
What’s actually holding you back?
Really.
Which voice keeps saying tomorrow?
Which part resists what would feed you?
Maybe today’s the day you meet that part. See it. Really see it.
That’s where integration starts.
Curious what comes up for you.
Feel free to respond - I read and respond to every email.
If You Want to Go Deeper
In my work "Soft Touch" De-Armouring - you can meet those parts where they actually live.
In the body.
The rebel as tension.
The manipulator as numbness.
The longing for wholeness, waiting for permission.
If you feel you need someone to walk this with you - I’m here.
Lets Talk and see, if that work is for you.
Full Body De-Armouring Sessions in Berlin-Kreuzberg
In just a few days, I will begin offering sessions in a new practice space @RollingTiger-Studio
Here we meet whatever wants to be seen - sometimes through stillness, sometimes through movement, sometimes through voice and sound. Always in loving-presence.
October is already fully booked.
From November, Wednesdays are open for you to book your spot.
Saturdays will appear occasionally in the calendar as well or by personal request.
Book your session - here.
Warmly,
Johannes
Für alle die Deutsch sprechen - hier geht es zu der neuen Seite in Deutscher Sprache: https://dearmouring.berlin/
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